On PAUSE

Whelp everyone, if you're not sitting down for this I would recommend that you do so. Keep arms and legs inside at all times and enjoy this crazy roller coaster called my life. So once upon a time I got sent to the wonderful land of California and was received with open arms and I slowly started to love my new California mission more and more. The missionaries were great, I was meeting so many new wonderful people, and I was enjoying the luxuries of a state side mission. But as time kept going on, my sickness was improving but it was not going away. I knew that if I didn't get better soon I would have to be sent home... so me being my stubborn self I LIED. I put on a show pretending that I was completely healthy and that all was well. But as time went on I began to realize how hard this acting stuff is. There were definitely ups and downs. Some days I wouldn't feel as sick and I thought to myself "I can do this!" But then there were down days where I didn't feel as well and I wondered "can I do this?" Time kept going on and I eventually had to send my cute companion hermana vega home and received my oh so incredible companion hermana Lopez. We started our transfer out right with a leaking tire and bonded 3 hours at pep boys. Woot woot! As the week went on I became pretty sick and had to spend a lot of time in doors and I had plenty of time to think about my whole situation and I started to be honest with myself. I couldn't spend nine months like this. I couldn't do that to my companions and the areas definitely deserved more than that. They deserved someone who could give it all their energy and strength. I started to humble myself... Yet again... And I prayed for direction and help. As I talked with my angel of a companion, read my scriptures, and general conference talks, I got the answer that I needed to start being honest with my leaders, starting with my mission president. That night, me and hermana Lopez made a vow to be honest (like we raised our arms and made an oath and everything haha). We saw him at a baptism on Saturday and I confessed everything and got myself out of the big lying hole that I had made. President Henrie has this one face, where he just stares at you, smiles, and just listens, and that's the face that I got, the typical Henrie face. He told me he would pray about my situation and get back to me. IT FELT LIKE A THOUSAND BRICKS WERE LIFTED OFF ME. A little advice for all of you, BE HONEST. Don't dig yourself into a big hole of lies! Haha. Anyways, so time kept going on, me and hna Lopez kept having a HOOT. I was in the best district in the whole world. My zone and district leaders had no idea what was going on in my life yet they were helping us in a million ways. They deserve an award or something because they helped in more ways than they know! I was just enjoying my time with my amazing companion and my incredible zone. Then on Monday morning we received the phone call I knew was coming. I was being sent home and it was my last day. Words cannot describe the heart wrenching pain that those words create in a missionary. Floods or memories and emotions ran through me. Yet through all of it, I felt peace. Heavenly Father played a HUGE part in that. I knew that I had him and my savior by my side and that I was following his plan and not mine. That last days was hard, many tears were shed, but I felt PEACE. Looking back on those 9 months, I could see all the incredible moments that helped me change and grow closer to my savior. And there were times where I looked back and thought, why did I get sent to California if I was just going to get sent home anyways? Then I realized that I NEEDED that Great California San Fernando mission. I NEEDED the missionaries there. The missionaries in that mission are absolutely incredible. They are SO loving and I felt like we were one big family. They gave me, "hermana Bolivia", the love I needed. THEY CHANGED MY LIFE. And I am so grateful for the experiences I had there and in Bolivia. It has sure been hard, but I have grown so close to my savior. HE LIVES. His atonement is so REAL. And although the experiences, both good and bad, have been quite the roller coaster ride, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Through all this crazy I have grown closer to my savior. He is my brother and best friend and I know that I am not alone in all of this. I am home now from my mission, but it's not the end, it's just on PAUSE. Heavenly Father needs me at home, for what reason I don't know, but I know that I am meant to be here. I am on pause and I am doing all that I can to get back out into the mission field. I'm going to doctors and doing many tests to figure this out, but as soon as we do I am jumping back out there with my mission family. My life is completely in His hands, he is the potter and I am the clay. HE LIVES. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us more than we can ever imagine and when we COMPLETELY submit to their will and trust in them, they help us reach our great potential. We sometimes don't know why things happen, but They do. They see the whole picture and all They want for us is to be HAPPY. I invite you all to submit to HIS will and enjoy the great blessings that come from it. Thank you all for your love and support! I have been able to feel your prayers and have been lifted up in my trials. I love you all and would love to see you while I'm on Pause.

Con mucho amor,
Hermana Higham